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Stories 5 stories
It was either I committed, or continued to let my insecurities breed more bad habits. Not going to lie, for a while I felt I was slipping. Turning into someone I had never known. No matter where we are in life, we know who we are deep down. Your spirit knows the REAL you. Your actions sometimes don’t reflect who you are. At times I felt as if my mind was at war with my spirit. Deep down I knew what I SHOULD have been doing to fulfill my soul, but my brain found an easier way out that forced me to make out of character decisions. These decisions were about the way I was treating no one but myself. It’s so easy to want to feed the part of your brain that thrives off of feeling like shit, when you’re already feeling like shit. That’s what I was doing. I wasn’t moving, I wasn’t working, I was eating terribly. I was treating the vehicle for my soul with complete disrespect. Since I had a problem with the way my acne made my face look, I for some reason wanted to look worse.. I’m an impatient person and not having an immediate solution for my acne made me angry and spiteful. I needed to flip my perspective. It took me a WHILE, but I realized there were still ways I could improve my SELF-image, without curing my acne. I decided I wanted to get into the best physical shape I have ever been in. I’d have good streaks then fail, over and over again. It’s easy to quit when not seeing immediate results. I had to respect and realize that every single GREAT thing I have in my life didn’t come about overnight. It alllllllll came with time. I accepted the fact that this journey might not be the most fun, and that I would have to wait a while. Once I did that, I committed. It began to be more fun than I thought and results came way faster than I thought they would. As my physical health improved, my mental state improved exponentially. I had SOMETHING to feel great about. I did it for no one but myself. It was my promise to myself, to ensure that I could feel like progress was being made in my life. No matter what obstacle got in the way of my day, I could still put my head on my pillow and know I was a better version of the person I was just that morning.
I had severe acne, now my face is filled with scars and I can’t seem to be upset about it anymore... At first, my acne completely destroyed my self confidence. I’ve always been an advocate of embracing your appearance no matter what. I found myself giving advice to friends when they struggled with their self image. I was always so happy to hear that my words helped. If these were my own words, and they had proven to help others... why couldn’t they help me? I couldn’t seem to take my own advice. It’s so crazy how I honestly don’t care what people think, but I care so much at the same time. It makes about just as much sense to me, as that last sentence probably made to you. I slowed me entire life down because of marks on my face. Didn’t wanna be on camera, didn’t wanna go in public, didn’t want people to see me. I got to a point where I’d see friends that I hadn’t seen in a while and apologize about the way my face looked. In hindsight that’s the most ridiculous thing ever. What was going on with my skin was natural and unavoidable, but I couldn’t accept it. I’m used to going through everything in my life with having someone to relate to who goes through everything I do; my twin. This time, I didn’t have that. Gray‘s skin decided to just glow while mine did the opposite. This was the first time I was going through something ALONE... at least I thought. It wasn’t until I stopped hiding and finally expressed my vulnerable side to everyone who keeps up with me on social media, that I finally felt some sort of relief. Brave people who were going through what I was came to share their stories and comfort me. I’ll forever be thankful for you all, you truly got me out of such a shitty place in my mind. As I felt less alone, I felt more confident. Instead of my insecurities feeding off one another, my confidence ignited more confidence. It truly is the little things that initiate the climb out of a low place. I can’t say that I’m FULLY confident 100% of the time with the way my skin looks, but I can definitely say that my self image and mental state has improved immensely and reached a level I never thought it could be at again.